Yesterday evening I had a good long talk with my mother because I’ve been in a shit mood since Eric ended things with me Tuesday morning. I honestly think I’m pissed about the whole situation because he did it over text message and he didn’t really explain anything. I’ve been trying to figure out what happened from leaving his place Monday night to Tuesday morning and why he changed his mind. There was no indication Monday night. I left his place happy and basically was looking forward to seeing him again this evening (I was suppose to watch the girls while he had a guys night out).
So back to the talk with my mom. We basically talked about how there’s nothing wrong with me – even though at times it feels like there is, and that Eric has a lot on his plate and probably just couldn’t deal with it all, plus the affect I was having on the girls and him were maybe overwhelming.
Not to sit here and toot my own horn, but I know I am pretty damn amazing. I have a great job, I just bought a house, I’ve basically figured out what I want in my life so maybe that scared him since he’s just starting his. I guess it’s the only thing that makes sense, really.
Either way it sucks. Every time I put myself out there, I get crushed and I can’t help but default back to “why am I not good enough”. It’s also getting harder and harder to meet guys. I’m really sick and tired of the low lives on plenty of fish and I can’t seem to meet anyone in person.
My mother suggested using E Harmony or another paid dating site, but with money already being tight as it is, I can’t see where I would get the extra cash from. Plus I’m just not interested anymore in meeting anyone.
As bad as it sounds, I just honestly do not care anymore. I don’t want to put in the effort. I just want to go to work, and then come home and go right to bed. I am so emotionally drained from getting my heart broken time and time again. I hate having to deal with missing all the little things. That’s what bugs me and upsets me the most. I got so use to the “good morning” text messages and the random ones throughout the day. It actually hurts to hear my phone beep with a message now, because I know it’s not a sweet one from him and I do miss those. I miss that whole being wanted feeling. I just want that feeling so bad.
Anyways, I’m done with the depressing posts. I’ll try to keep them to a minimal. There’s just nothing else going on in my life other then work.